no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
