lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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