She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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