i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
