you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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