So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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