At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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