He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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