Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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