never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Two words: blizzard sex
this is an emotional support booty call
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
