if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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