DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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