Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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