He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
