What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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