i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
