i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
