i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
