She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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