my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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