If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
