Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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