If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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