Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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