I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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