And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
