I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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