I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
