I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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