My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
