just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
