I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
