I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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