Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question