he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
