And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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