this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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