You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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