Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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