I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
