Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
