I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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