I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
