i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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