Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
