i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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