we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
