You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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