bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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