She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
