Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
