dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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