3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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