Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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