Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
