Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
