if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Enjoy the penises
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
