You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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